BMW is one of the world's great engineered global luxury car makers. Leave it to some cheeseball dealer in Rockland County, NY to completely ruin that legacy.
How? Hiring a spokesmodel who looks like she hasn't eaten in three years -- I mean, take a good look there -- and doing her up in truly one of the worst make-up jobs on the planet earth. The lights are bouncing off the five pounds of makeup this poor starving model is wearing.
At first glance, she looks kind of goth but as the camera gets closer, you realize she's wearing a funky Vampirella thing.
There are no customers walking around this showroom and who can blame them. If I showed up at Wide World BMW of Spring Valley, NY, that woman would scare me right off the lot.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Impersonating an officer
Isn't there a law against this in TV commercials:
Concocting a fake police car that reads POLICE across the rear of the trunk and flashing roof lights?
Getting a well made-up blonde in a fake police outfit who seriously looks like she's going to rip open her uniform any second and perform an illicit bachelor party strip tease?
Super bad puns such as "Don't Drive Junk?"
Concocting a fake police car that reads POLICE across the rear of the trunk and flashing roof lights?
Getting a well made-up blonde in a fake police outfit who seriously looks like she's going to rip open her uniform any second and perform an illicit bachelor party strip tease?
Super bad puns such as "Don't Drive Junk?"
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Ford and Infiniti: wearing the same dress to the dance
Ford put a lot of money relaunching its beloved Mustang sports car into a vehicle for picky, penny-pinching millennials -- good luck with that.
Their centerpiece TV spot is this slick spot below about "unleashing your inner Mustang." What exactly does that mean? It means the 2013 Mustang drives down a west coast street and morphs into the color pattern of the people who stare at it. Seems like a cool idea.
But then switch the channel and there's Infiniti's new ad with its -- get this -- "Limited Engagement Spring Event." What the heck is that? What a mouthful.
Wait, what's that? This G25 crossover is changing colors too in the middle of the road on its own. And nobody's looking at it either! Damn! Somebody on the production team unleashed their Inner Infiniti and did the same motion graphics trick!
Seems both car makers want to show how their vehicles can magically switch colors right there on the avenue without stopping. Who will blink first?
Their centerpiece TV spot is this slick spot below about "unleashing your inner Mustang." What exactly does that mean? It means the 2013 Mustang drives down a west coast street and morphs into the color pattern of the people who stare at it. Seems like a cool idea.
But then switch the channel and there's Infiniti's new ad with its -- get this -- "Limited Engagement Spring Event." What the heck is that? What a mouthful.
Wait, what's that? This G25 crossover is changing colors too in the middle of the road on its own. And nobody's looking at it either! Damn! Somebody on the production team unleashed their Inner Infiniti and did the same motion graphics trick!
Seems both car makers want to show how their vehicles can magically switch colors right there on the avenue without stopping. Who will blink first?
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
The ubiquitous questionable "tent event"
For some reason, the Gods of the Automobile Industry have deemed May the month for "tent sales." Oh excuse me, tent events.
Why are tent sales so special? What is the significance of the tent? Was it symbol that goes back to Egyptian hieroglyphics? What are they hiding in the tent? Where doe the tent go during the other 11 months? Can my nephew rent the tent to have his wedding in there?
And at the end of the commercials, the announcer practically threatens you that all prices are going to END when the tent sale is over on May 31st.
But you are not that dumb because you know June 1st will begin the "Dads and Grads" sale or whatever silliness they have up their sleeves.
Below are two totally nuts tent event ads. First you have your basic Nissan version, which is pretty funny when you realize they fast motion people putting up a tent and then reverse it to show they are taking it down. Now that's what I call a big budget exercise.
Meanwhile, in Indiana, "Bob's MAMMOTH in-tents sales event" has that cheesy, folksy homey flavor where they clearly couldn't spring for as big a tent as Nissan, so the trucks are sticking out. I don't know, not much tent there, Bob, as far as these tent events go. And throw in that dinosaur sound effect for good measure!
Why are tent sales so special? What is the significance of the tent? Was it symbol that goes back to Egyptian hieroglyphics? What are they hiding in the tent? Where doe the tent go during the other 11 months? Can my nephew rent the tent to have his wedding in there?
And at the end of the commercials, the announcer practically threatens you that all prices are going to END when the tent sale is over on May 31st.
But you are not that dumb because you know June 1st will begin the "Dads and Grads" sale or whatever silliness they have up their sleeves.
Below are two totally nuts tent event ads. First you have your basic Nissan version, which is pretty funny when you realize they fast motion people putting up a tent and then reverse it to show they are taking it down. Now that's what I call a big budget exercise.
Meanwhile, in Indiana, "Bob's MAMMOTH in-tents sales event" has that cheesy, folksy homey flavor where they clearly couldn't spring for as big a tent as Nissan, so the trucks are sticking out. I don't know, not much tent there, Bob, as far as these tent events go. And throw in that dinosaur sound effect for good measure!
Monday, April 30, 2012
"JOHNNY DOUBLE TIME" from Bay Ridge Toyota & Toyota of Manhattan
Bay Ridge Toyota and Toyota of Manhattan, clearly owned by the same group, wants you to know that you have a choice of not one but two locations to buy their vehicles. And to get that message across, they cast a guy in a bad hair metal wig who looks like he couldn't even carry Spinal Tap's guitar picks as "Johnny Double Time." Wait, I just pulled on his hair. You mean it's real?
Playing a drum solo with one hand in with a horrifying special effect that wouldn't look out of place in an episode of the 70s series "The Hulk," Johnny screams that he can "double the satisfaction" and "double the savings" and without a doubt, double the cheese too.
Friday, April 27, 2012
NISSAN "SALE-A-MINUTE" CAMPAIGN
If you are considering a career working at Nissan, this national commercial is probably the greatest deterrent to any such ambition. Imagine an incredibly annoying alarm with flashing red lights going off any time a Nissan car is sold. You'd barely be able to hold on to your sanity.
Somehow, Nissan feels that working in such an environment guaranteed to drive any human bonkers is a great enticement to buy one of their cars. Hey, if you buy one of their vehicles, you get the privilege of driving every Nissan employee into insanity by triggering that supremely abrasive alarm.
Unless you are some kind of sadist or twisted individual who spends all day at carnival dunk booths, this ad provides absolutely no enticement to buy a Nissan.
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